My Bad Teacher

Here is a little something I wrote up for @headgeek666 for his Bad Teacher screening next week. This is my bad teacher story. Note, the name has not been changed to protect the identity of this asshole. Also note, that some events may be dramatized or misremembered or complete falsifications, but as far as I'm concerned this is what happened:


This isn't one cohesive story, but rather an overview of two of the shittiest years of my life, also known as Jr. High School. I like to put much of this shittiness squarely on the shoulders of one Mr. Carr. Mr. Carr was both the Jr. High English teacher and the Athletics coordinator. And he fucking hated me and my best friend Laura. Looking back, I think he chose to single me out because I was smart and quiet and nerdy, while he was big and dumb and boisterous (and for a teacher, this guy really was dumb. Get to that in a bit). I don't know why he didn't like Laura. Maybe because she was pretty and strong willed and didn't flirt with him and the other little girls.

Anyway, Mr. Carr fucking hated us. Any time he had a trick question to ask, he called us out. Something we hadn't covered yet? He wanted to make a point? Did he just want to growl at someone? Always us. Every day. And this went on for 2 years. At one point, Laura's parents complained to the school board that he was harassing us. It only got worse. If we weren't in our seats with paper and pen in hand when the bell rang, we were tardy. He didn't do this for anyone else. If we opened our mouths when we hadn't been called upon, we got yelled at. He rarely punished the twenty other students in the class. He'd make jokes about us being slow, or stupid, or how I was fat and had awful hair (which was true, but fuck you Mr. Carr) and Laura had big tits. My dad asked me if I wanted him to go to school and kick Mr. Carr's ass in front of everyone, and I know that he would have and I love him so much for that, but just knowing he was in my corner was enough and I said no.

But Mr. Carr was also the assistant football coach. I tried out in seventh grade, and made the team cause I come from a small town and everyone makes the team. But he never left me alone there, either. He found some excuse to make me run extra laps every day. He would harass me and call me names and tell me to quit. Which, for some people, might sound like a normal highschool football experience, but on our team, I was the only one getting this kind of treatment. Luckily, football was optional, unlike English, so I did what he suggested and I quit. Not because he suggested it but because I couldn't take an extra two hours of his bulging eyes and his greasy smile every fucking day. So it was a victory, in a way. It didn't help with English class though.

Eventually I moved on to highschool and away from Mr. Carr, but that's not the end of his story. There are a couple other things you should know about the man to complete the creepy picture. First, when he would get frustrated or angry in class, he would stop talking, sit on his desk, rub the bridge of his nose, and sing the Mickey Mouse song. You know, M I C, see you real soon, K E Y, Why, because we like you! That shit is seared into my fucking skull, except I don't hear Mickey's voice, I hear Mr. Carr's ethereal imitation. He used to put this little show on a lot, at least once a day, and often as a way of embarrassing the person who'd been speaking immediately before. Often me. The other thing you need to know is that Mr. Carr used to shamelessly flirt with the girls in the class. The seventh grade girls. He often employed the One Leg Up on Something stance, so his crotch would be placed squarely in front of the victim. Of course, there were girls who enjoyed it and flirted back, which only encouraged him. At the time, it just seemed like another cheesy, creepy thing about him that I hated, but looking back if feels genuinely wrong, but maybe that's what happened later.

You see, it was around this time that Mr. Carr’s life and career took a downward spiral. First, he got drunk and went down on a student’s mom in the local brew house bathroom. This was witnessed by at least a dozen locals, one of which happened to be my uncle so I got to hear about it firsthand. This didn’t get him kicked out of the school, but it was also around this time that we got a new Athletic Coordinator, and his wife left him. Oh yeah, Mr. Carr was married.

It was a couple years later that the other shoe dropped. A rumor went around that the school board had Mr. Carr’s computer confiscated, and that they’d found buckets and buckets of porn on the thing. A lot of people were saying “Child” porn, but he never did jail time so I’m willing to let that go as pot stirring. But this time it was enough to see him permanently removed from his post. And I’ll tell you, I’m glad to know he’s not out there torturing some other fat little Jr. High kid right now.